Human relationships of true intimacy are founded on the vital trust in the other to achieve the completion of the Self. – Edward E. Sampson
Our primary relationship is with our authentic Self . . . every other relationship follows from there . . .
In order to get our needs met, we must invite a variety of relationships into our life. But the quality of those relationships is entirely dependent upon the nature of each participant, most especially ourselves. If any participant is dishonest, for example, then it’s likely trust will never fully blossom in the dynamic. If any participant is withholding, then a connection lacking depth is inevitable. And what happens when we can’t share who we are wholly?
What happens to our relationships with our Self and others, when we can’t ask for what we need or establish boundaries that nurture who we are?
It’s true, we must have a sense of who we are before any of these questions may seem relevant or even forefront. But herein lies a double bind: without knowing who we are, we can’t ask for what we need; without asking for what we need, we may never become who we really are.
How many of us can honestly say we ask for what we need in relationships? More often than not, we try to simply be who we are, to the best of our ability, and hope that the outcome is acknowledgement and appreciation from those in our circle. But somewhere inside, we can feel unworthy or apprehensive about being judged, so we compartmentalize, make justifications, or we maintain a persona, all of which ultimately doesn’t serve us. The moment we start to break down what we value in ourselves, we’re compromising our energy and integrity. And the result is a compromise in the quality of our relationships.
Our relationships should be a reflection of our priority to embody our authentic Self!
We recognize what we need and can ask for it. We understand our limits so we can guard against being pushed towards them. Establishing boundaries as a self-care ritual is the creation of authentic connection with both our Self and others. We may think of self-care as luxurious indulgences like massages or vacations, but self-care is really about attending mindfully to what’s necessary in caring for our Essence. Self-care comes down to all the ways that we support a healthy state of being, so that we can actualize our true Self; anything that feeds the totality of our being: body, mind, and spirit.
How we show up, or respectfully choose not to, is the ultimate self-care. When we start to prioritize our needs first, we’re in a much better position to attend the needs of others. And when we do commune, it comes from the wholeness of who we are based entirely in authenticity. This in turn leads to the kind of external support that witnesses, feeds, and encourages mutual growth.
