Surrender Time

Careful with those who would rush your healing, who would point to their watch and remind you of time’s passing. – Tyler Knott Gregson

Culturally, we aren’t taught emotional intelligence. Some of us, if we’re lucky, will learn it in our families . . .

The bulk of us though, will largely learn to deal with emotional growth after we’ve had to confront difficult circumstances. These experiences, over the span of a lifetime, will form the basis of how emotionally adept we become. And I’ve learned, unless we dig in and really get to the bottom of our feelings, we can expect that old wounds, dealt with inadequately at the time, will reemerge in unexpected and unhealthy ways.

When I finally confronted the oldest, most painful wound of my childhood, I was already 40-years-old . . .

I’d already spent half my life in denial about the depth of my pain, when I was cracked open with grief by new circumstances. In the fallout, I realized the full scope of my feelings and was humbled into inaction. All I could do was be with my grief; I spent two years grieving. I released decades of emotions I didn’t even realize I was carrying!

What I witnessed in others surprised me more than my own feelings. Most people wanted to make it better: to rush my process or to avoid being with me while I worked through it. I get it . . . who wants to spend time with someone when they’re feeling miserable. So I was comfortable spending my years grieving almost exclusively alone. I knew there was no way I was going to be rushed, because I knew that on the other side of my pain, I would be whole and empowered for the first time in my life. I decided to stop apologizing and take the time I needed.

I’ve heard it so often from friends and clients who lament how much time they’ve wasted working on their feelings . . .

Healing takes whatever time it takes. It’s not wasted . . . it’s necessary! We have too many expectations and attachments to realizing our potential as early as possible in life. I would like to point out that these attachments are formed from culturally dictated expectations and always within our power to resist. No one can possibly know how long it will take each of us to heal what holds us back.

We can’t realize our full potential unless we heal, because it’s our wounds that trigger us, forming the basis of our fear to take risks and live a life of expansion. We actually waste more time in pursuit of things that ultimately don’t support our authenticity, when we adhere to habits formed out of fear or avoidance; healing is a shorter path to the life of our dreams, even if we do need to spend years in the process. We find our voice and maximize our positive impact when we can share our fully realized selves without being triggered. Surrender the time it takes to heal, especially if there’s lots of healing that needs to be done. On the other side, we offer the best of who we are!